That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
