i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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