What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
