dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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