I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
