Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
