dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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