I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
