Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
