Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
