He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
