she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
