So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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