I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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