End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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