we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize