He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
