You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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