You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
