Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
a search helicopter?!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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