also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize