the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
