Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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