I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
