We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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