my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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