4 words: hood of his car
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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