I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My feet surprised me
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