How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We left the knife in your bed.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
