I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
