just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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