i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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