ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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