This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
