Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
