Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize