you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
