redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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