Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize