She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
