Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
