so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My dick has a subreddit
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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