I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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