Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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