Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
