if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
