Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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