hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
