I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize