turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
