If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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