I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
