The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
