you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize