I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
