Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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