He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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