First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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