ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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