I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
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