I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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