dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
