fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
