No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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