apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
