Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
