so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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