the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
