Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
