She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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