when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
