I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
