other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
