You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
