He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
is wine microwaveable?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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