The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
