no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
