I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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