So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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