my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
