Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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