first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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