i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
