I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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