Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
you had me at cake vodka
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
