i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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