I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
