I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
