toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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