Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
