porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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