I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
