He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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