If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
